Yeah, I did…I bought a domain with the word SEX in it, but it was a total light bulb moment! Don’t get me wrong, I probably won’t even write about sex, but rather everything else women think about when stuck in sexless suburbia. Ha, I guess that leaves the door WIDE open, huh?e
You see, that was WHY I wanted to name my site “No Sex And The Suburbs”, I knew with this title we could seriously talk about anything! I mean really, who better to be the spokesperson for ridiculous suburbia antics than little ole moi? Any of you that know me, KNOW that I am notoriously FULL of ….*ahem* stories, so why NOT share with the world (or all three of my friends that promised to read this.)
OK, so here is how the inspiration struck…
I was people watching while sipping on an “Americano” at the South Coast Plaza earlier today, and I couldn’t help but notice how EVERY woman passing by me looked ridiculously fabulous & sexy on a friggen Sunday afternoon! Really? I mean…REALLY? I guess I ‘get it’ if it’s Friday or Saturday evening and you’re out clubbing, but at a MALL on a Sunday…REALLY? Ugh.
I have to tell you, I’m not a frump by any means, but for whatever reason as I sat there with my capris, tee and flip flops, I suddenly felt like a total ghettofied frump queen! For crying out loud, I showed up at the mall to shop wearing no makeup (GASP!), but only because I was heading over to Sephora to actually try on and BUY makeup. I didn’t realize I would be required to put on a dog and pony show. I don’t know if any of you have ever experienced this sort of situation, but I SWEAR to you, all the women passing by me scowled at me as if I broke some golden rule that EVERYONE but me knew about.
Did I miss the memo? Was there some sort of flyer handed out as I entered the Orange County boundary that read~
“Please do us all a favor and never visit a shopping mall in Orange County unless you are properly manicured, waxed, coiffed and cloaked!”
If so, I totally BLEW it. I’m sorry ladies of the South Coast Plaza, I was simply being functional, and I promise you…I won’t DARE step foot in the “Goddess Arena” again until I drop 30 pounds, get a boob job, wear extensions, sport tinted lashes, pop in over pigmented contacts, prance around in stilettos and lug around a really big DIOR or LOUIS VUITTON bag. I am truly apologetic for breaking the code.
As a matter of fact, the next time I need makeup, I will be sure to do my shopping online where I can #RockTheMooMoo if I want to, and nobody will even bat an eyelash.
Well there you go…welcome to “No Sex And The Suburbs”…a place where Xanax and Yoga are considered “A Perfect Pairing” and nonsensical rants are common place. I hope you find yourself at home here and PLEASE feel free to join in the conversation by leaving your comments. I promise, I will respond. I mean come on, I am stuck in the suburbs, what ELSE to have to do with my spare time? -xo
Author: Stacey Soleil