Yeah, I did…I bought a domain with the word SEX in it, but it was a total light bulb moment! Don’t get me wrong, I probably won’t even write about sex, but rather everything else women think about when stuck in sexless suburbia. Ha, I guess that leaves the door WIDE open, huh?e

You see, that was WHY I wanted to name my site “No Sex And The Suburbs”, I knew with this title we could seriously talk about anything! I mean really, who better to be the spokesperson for ridiculous suburbia antics than little ole moi?  Any of you that know me, KNOW that I am notoriously FULL of ….*ahem* stories, so why NOT share with the world (or all three of my friends that promised to read this.)

OK, so here is how the inspiration struck…

I was people watching while sipping on an “Americano” at the South Coast Plaza earlier today, and I couldn’t help but notice how EVERY woman passing by me looked ridiculously fabulous & sexy on a friggen Sunday afternoon! Really? I mean…REALLY?  I guess I ‘get it’ if it’s Friday or Saturday evening and you’re out clubbing, but at a MALL on a Sunday…REALLY? Ugh.

I have to tell you, I’m not a frump by any means, but for whatever reason as I sat there with my capris, tee and flip flops, I suddenly felt like a total ghettofied frump queen! For crying out loud, I showed up at the mall to shop wearing no makeup (GASP!),  but only because I was heading over to Sephora to actually try on and BUY makeup. I didn’t realize I would be required to put on a dog and pony show. I don’t know if any of you have ever experienced this sort of situation, but I SWEAR to you, all the women passing by me scowled at me as if I broke some golden rule that EVERYONE but me knew about.

Did I miss the memo? Was there some sort of flyer handed out as I entered the Orange County boundary that read~

“Please do us all a favor and never visit a shopping mall in Orange County unless you are properly manicured, waxed, coiffed and cloaked!”

If so, I totally BLEW it. I’m sorry ladies of the South Coast Plaza, I was simply being functional, and I promise you…I won’t DARE step foot in the “Goddess Arena” again until I drop 30 pounds, get a boob job, wear extensions, sport tinted lashes, pop in over pigmented contacts, prance around in stilettos and lug around a really big DIOR or LOUIS VUITTON bag. I am truly apologetic  for breaking the code.

As a matter of fact, the next time I need makeup, I will be sure to do my shopping online where I can #RockTheMooMoo if I want to, and nobody will even bat an eyelash.

*End Rant*

Well there you go…welcome to “No Sex And The Suburbs”…a place where Xanax and Yoga are considered “A Perfect Pairing” and nonsensical rants are common place. I hope you find yourself at home here and PLEASE feel free to join in the conversation by leaving your comments. I promise, I will respond.  I mean come on, I am stuck in the suburbs, what ELSE to have to do with my spare time? -xo

Author: Stacey Soleil